We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
