I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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