mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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