she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i think i just lost a toe
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
