The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
