Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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