Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
