Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
