opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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