How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
