if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
