Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
