I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
