Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
