Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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