i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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