Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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