Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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