I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
