my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
