is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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