Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
