So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
3pm strippers are depressing
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
