i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
