I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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