The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
