The best revenge is premature balding
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
