Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
