"it" just moved
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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