a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
sex in a hospital.. check
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
