I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
