the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
