I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
