Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
