I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
