that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
