butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
