I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
