sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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