I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
