She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Green mimosas i think yes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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