i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
