I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
