Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
