Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
