he wants to bone in the snuggie
farters have to be the big spoon...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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