True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my poor anus
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
