Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
