Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
