if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
