How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
