There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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