Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
